Keeping Dreams Alive

Easier Said Than Done

2011-12-31T00:23:00.000+05:30

I've always been one to hold on to things for my dear life. I hold on to people who are long gone, to relationships that should ideally be ended before it takes a toll on your well being, to souvenirs that anyone else would only see as junk, to memories that are best left at that and are not worth reliving, to the past that does not deserve a place in my future.

I believe that it takes more courage and strength to let go, than to keep holding on. With absolutely no disrespect to the amount of effort that it takes to sustain something that has already begun, holding on, is a pattern, it's your comfort zone. Imagine the kind of strength it takes to finally put your foot down and say no to something that has been a part of you for ages and in some way, defines what you are today. Imagine what it takes to let go of someone without whom, your life will never be the same again. Imagine letting go of a hope, a dream that you nurtured for your perfect tomorrow after which you don't know where to begin from. Imagine letting go of all the effort, time and love that you invested in each person, each relationship and each hope and dream.

It takes a lot of strength to let go.

It's easier said than done, but at some point when the going gets tough, you've just got to let go. For yourself and especially for everyone else who's involved in the equation.

You have got to let go of that friend who finds it hard to look at you straight in the eye, because when you let go, you let the good times remain etched in your memories, before they all turn ugly.

You have to let go of that loved one who has left this world forever, because it makes breathing a lot easier for the one who's left behind. The ones who have left us for good, may their souls rest in peace

You have to let go of the boy who was never yours in the first place and the girl who dropped you like hot potato, because it makes moving on easier, for you and for him/her.

You have to let go of those shattered hopes and dreams, because otherwise, the chances for a better tomorrow, a new beginning, will always elude you.

Letting go, takes a lot of strength.

Conversations with Randoms

2011-12-12T16:25:00.001+05:30

Most people hate incoming wrong numbers. I love random phone calls of the sort. Especially those calls, where the idiot on the phone, who speaks in such terrible English (it's a talent, really), calls you and ~~says~~ adamantly claims, "Madam (read meydem), I got a missed call from your this (read yuvar these) number, so I call you." These geniuses are mostly always men. Seriously, I am no feminist, but if you're a lady who's got one of these many calls, you know what I'm talking about! Exclude the insurance/mobile service provider/all other nonsense promotional call women from call centers who have to call as a part of their unfortunate job profiles.

Last night, I got a call from one such idiot/genius.

*Phone rings*

Idiot/Genius: Hello meydem.
Me: Yes, hello.
Idiot/Genius: Why you call meydem?
Me: Sorry, what?
Idiot/Genius: Actually meydem, I got the message from yuvar this number.
Me: You got a message from ME?
Idiot/Genius: Yes, meydem!
Me: No, I didn't send you a message.
Idiot/Genius: Meydem, just check sent items!
Me: I said I haven't!
Idiot/Genius: Just check no, meydem!!!
Me: What does the message say?
Idiot/Genius: Actually meydem, it says, h-w-m-m-m.
Me: Ok, who are you?!
Idiot/Genius (siezing the perfect opportunity to reveal his bio-data): Myself Suresh meydem, I yam wurrking in Bengaloor, I yam having car....I also...
Me: Where do you work?
Idiot/Genius: NIMHANS meydem.
Me: Aaaaah, NIMHANS sir? Then something is definitely wrong with you, because I didn't send you a message. It's ok, such things happen in NIMHANS, you should get yourself checked.

At this point our hero has realized that he has no comeback for an accusation of that sort to his fake "you sent me message therefore I call you" excuse to make a random phone call. He is quick to accept defeat.

Idiot/Genius (sounding really stupid now): Hehe, wokay meydem, sorry meydem, thank you meydem!

*click* Hangs Up.

Dear Mister random Suresh, thank you for pushing me to reach greater heights and levels of sarcasm! :)

Why I need to adopt a puppy

2011-11-01T21:21:00.001+05:30

A puppy will love me unconditionally
A puppy won't suddenly grow up and say, "Uhm hello, I'm not a kid any more, you're no longer required in my life, thank you very much." (and as a result break your heart into a million tiny pieces)
A puppy will always agree with me.
A puppy will never discriminate against me depending upon his/her mood to be cool/uncool that particular day.
A puppy will always be happy to see me.
A puppy will always there for me, regardless of my mood swings/temper tantrums.
A puppy will understand how much I love him/her and actually reciprocate and will be able to understand that whatever I say/do is purely out of love.
A puppy won't tell me to shut the f*#! up.
A puppy does not have an ego/attitude problem.
A puppy does not judge you (or your level of maturity).
A puppy is always open to conversation/company.
A puppy doesn't have a secret life that you don't know about.
A puppy will never say, "You don't know me at all, go away".
A puppy is never condescending.
A puppy is not glued to a laptop/pc/mobile phone/tv... 24/7.
A puppy grows up to protect you and not really hurt you one fine day when it comes of age.
A puppy is more supportive than critical.
A puppy won't fight for the remote.
A puppy won't sleep on my side of the bed
A puppy will always stick with me.

All in the name of Love

2010-12-07T19:32:00.002+05:30

So many people I know sacrifice so much, all in the name of love. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for love, I am happy for all of you who are in love...after all, love makes the world go round, or so they say. And so when you're in love, sacrifices are made, have to be made...only when you're in love, they're not sacrifices, they are compromises. Much needed ones at that, because we all know that it takes a lot to sustain a relationship, any relationship for that matter. Compromises to avoid nasty fights with parents, like respecting the curfew or dealing with house arrest, compromises to avoid a cold blooded murder (siblings, best friends), so on and so forth. Just that when it comes to family and friends, we all know where to draw the line. But when it comes to who we think is the true love of our lives, there are absolutely no boundaries. Such is love.

But what happens when you start losing track of your own life with all the compromises you're making, all in the name of love? What's worse, sometimes a lot of us don't realise that our lives are no longer in our hands! It all starts with introducing THE guy/girl to your friends and usually the first sign of trouble is when the friends claim to get 'a bad vibe' from your special someone. Of course we don't take them seriously, our friends will warm up in no time. Right? No, not right, friends don't seem to be warming up, instead things get cold and bitter when you're in the same room, forget the same table. So that's when you proceed to step 2, keep friends and boy/girl separate. Things go very well then don't they?

It won't be long until you stop spending time with your friends, but all that won't matter simply because you have no time for them any more, you have a relationship to sustain! Good friends should understand that it takes a lot to sustain a relationship, shouldn't they? And they do. But when the same good friends notice that you're not yourself any longer, you don't realise that you're losing your identity, they point it out to you. Of course you don't want to hear a word of what they're saying, you're enraged at how everyone seems to be so judgemental about you, your man/woman and the progression of your perfect love life.

You seem to be cutting out practically everyone and everything you have grown up with or grown up knowing, all in the name of love. You're so passive about the 'antics' of your supposed better half, you are either ignorant about it or playing innocent, all in the name of love. You even start covering up for his/her wrong doings, all in the name of love. You demean yourself and tolerate all the atrocities he/she throws at you, all in the name of love. You don't respect yourself, why would he? All this in the name of love? You are no longer the person your best friends thought they knew and your life is pretty much free-wheeling out of your grasp, such is true love. Are you serious?! If this is your idea of true love, I would really like to know what your definition of toxic obsession would possibly be.

I hope everything goes well for you and the love of your life. I really do. Because the way things are going now, if ever your fantasy world does come down to pieces and you can't seem to figure out how, where and why things went wrong, you're going to have no one but yourself to help pick up the pieces and start from scratch. Simply because you have successfully managed to lose not just your identity, but also the people who would have probably helped to walk you through the tough times and back to reality.

A close friend of mine tells me, love is not just blind, it's deaf and dumb too. I disagree. Love is supposed to bring out the best in you, and in most healthy relationships, it does too. Now if you're in a toxic obsessive relationships that attempt to wipe out your individuality and you yourself can't see it, then why blame it on love? YOU are blind, deaf and dumb...all this, in the name of love.

I don't like Flowers.

2010-08-26T14:54:00.004+05:30

Is that so hard to swallow? Yes flowers are pretty, they are gorgeous, they are colourful, they smell good and they make people happy. But I don't like them. For the reason that everyone plucks them right out of where they belong and put them in a bouquet and make it look fancy...And what happens to them? They die. I think flowers are so much more beautiful in a place where they naturally belong. Not when they're all bunched up and made to look pretty...Not when they are literally 'used' for anything and everything, "Hi, you're pretty, here are flowers for you.", "Sorry, that was really wrong of me to do, here is another bouquet!" , "Oh I forgot!! Let me make up, here are your roses." And most women I know, "Oh it's ok, it's all good now, he got me flowers. :) "

I hate people who try to mould you into something else, for their convenience. I don't like the clothes you wear, they don't suit my style, I don't like the shows you watch, they're not really my thing, What sort of music do you listen to, it's really not cool, OMG, HOW can you not like Italian food?! You don't own Gucci/Chanel/Manolo/Choos/Louboutins? Why don't you have a blackberry/iphone/mac?!?!
I am VERY SORRY. I am rather happy with my clothes, they've been working fine. I love my shows and music, they make me who I am, I DETEST Italian food, I'd rather have glass of water instead. I don't care about those brands, if they're your priority, please keep at it. I am more than happy with my android/pc, thank you very much.

Not like I've mastered the art of being so above and beyond being human. It's just a little lesson, someone I consider to be quite sensible, reminded me of, before I forgot it myself. Live and Let Live.

Point is, flowers should just be left alone, cultivated where they belong (if you must), and admired for what they really are and where they come from....just like people.

But I have no issues if you love flowers and bouquets! I just don't like them. The thing is overused and butchered so much, it puts to shame the track record of the word "sorry" being abused. Stop. Looking. At. Me. Like. I. Killed. Your. Baby.

♪ A long time ago, we used to be friends... ♪

2010-07-15T11:00:00.009+05:30

Today, they have no time to spare.

Today, they get annoyed at the slightest sign of your concern for them.

Today, they have so many faces to show the rest of the world,

Today, they don't have the guts to stand up for me,

Today, they play it safe.

Today, they are too cool for school,

Today, they are no more the people I knew.

Tomorrow, I will have my own world to live in,

Tomorrow, I will have a new crowd to hang with,

Tomorrow, I will get entangled in the webs of commitment,

Tomorrow, you will be subjected to my convenience, just as I am subjected to yours today.

On a few occasions, I will think back on the old times,

On those few occasions, I WILL remember you...

Not as my best friend who vowed to always be there for me,

Not as my best friend who made promises to keep in touch,

Not as my best friend who would do anything for me,

But as another face in the crowd, who crossed my path, once upon a time...

And when that day comes, if you dare remind me of the 'good old days',

I promise you this,

It will be my pleasure to let you know,

Of how insignificant your existence has been to me,

Since the day I discovered how selfish and self centred my 'best friends' could be.

The Non-Existent Conspiracy Theory

2010-04-02T14:03:00.011+05:30

I know people who believe that the universe truly conspires against them or in their favour, as the case may be...And this post is all thanks to them.

You look like a million bucks, even then, cute girl/guy across the dance floor, totally giving your friend the vibes, DOES NOT notice you whatsoever. Lucky Bitch? No. There’s clearly something about your friend. Cutie digs your friend for that something, not you. Simple as that. You’re racing across the pavement and you slip on a banana peel and fall...you’re unlucky... Or maybe, you were just not careful enough? A ceiling fan falls on your head and you die. Fine, you’re unlucky then. You win the lottery ticket. Ok, you’re lucky. But that’s about as far as you can possibly push it, to unexpected bouts of joy or insanely funny mishaps.

She has cancer. So, that’s fate and don’t do anything about it? Wrong. It’s a disease needs treatment and we give her the best we possibly can. She dies. THAT is fate.

Your close friend who never did as well as you did back in school is now doing way better than you are in life. Destiny? How about she/he actually worked towards it this time around?

Luck, fate and destiny... Defence mechanisms, excuses we invented to comfort ourselves when we couldn’t find rational reasons to attribute to our losses or to someone else’s victory...either because we don’t know how to accept defeats gracefully, we haven’t the guts to acknowledge the fact that just maybe we need to improve, we’re not big enough to recognize someone else’s rightful win, worse to worst, we simply can’t find reasons to rationalise unhappy incidents...or in some cases, we choose to play it down and flash the modesty card? How easy it is, what a comfortable option, to tell on forces that can’t be explained.

We’re not passive beings to whom the universe doles out instructions. Of course, we are struck in the face with difficult situations we find hard to explain. But what we CHOOSE to make of them, is what makes all the difference. We’re born with free will, we make our own choices which lead us to our fate...we create, we choose our own destiny. All our destinies have paths that lead us to it. Paths that we ourselves build along the way. No one is conspiring against us. It’s really not that big a mystery.

She Dreams...

2010-01-26T23:25:00.006+05:30

To see the world in a grain of sand,

And hold the stars in the palm of her hands.

To live a life of her own free will,

And not a life behind some grill.

To breathe the air of womanhood in pride,

Not to follow a man in his stride.

To live a life without his permission,

And never a single day in submission.

His Love, Trust and Companionship she needs,

Overprotection, Suffocation and Command she will not heed.

To be treated like an individual she demands,

Not a helpless little weakling that she's not.

Locked

2009-10-27T00:18:00.006+05:30

No, because it just can't be you.

No, because I cannot afford to.

No, because I can't let it happen.

No, because no one else but me should have the power to affect me ever again.

No, because I just don't want to feel this way.

No, because I have to take care of myself.

No, because I know it's not here to stay.

No, because it scares me this way.

No, because I deserve so much more.

No, because if one falls, it all falls to the ground.

No, because it's too much of an effort for no guarantee of anything at all.

No, because as much as misery loves company, it's a bitch of an introvert.

No, because there's a huge wall AND a barricade I've set up with great difficulty.

No, because I've been burnt too many times before.

No, because I don't really know who I am or where I stand today.

Yes, because just maybe, only maybe...someone like you, could be worth it all...?

Or not.

5w1h

2009-07-22T04:33:00.015+05:30

Who do you trust, when they're all playing the game?
What keeps you going, when it all comes to an end?
When do you know, that it's time to let go?
Where do you run to, places familiar are haunting you now?
Why is it that you never learn?

How is it that you lose things that were never even yours?

Some People and Other People

2009-03-26T00:06:00.010+05:30

There are some people who....

~ Judge people on the basis of their profiles on social networking sites.
~ Are completely incapable of making their own decisions, let alone think on their own terms for reasons 'mysteriously' unknown. Nobody knows what is going to happen to them. The interesting thing is, neither do they.
~ Talk philosophical ALL THE TIME, just because most people are well mannered enough to not embarrass them by shutting their trash talk in public.
~ Don't know, or rather remember, how to be happy without being high.

I don't know what names to call them...sorry, that is politically incorrect. I don't know how to term/label them.

Then there are others,

~ Who let their guard down simply because they have better things to do in life rather than 'socialising for the heck of it' because of the rest of us are doing it anyway.
~ Couldn't care less about what you and I or they say or think, so they do what they do, rightfully so and know just where they're headed, so well that even if all the forces of nature conspired against them, they WILL find their way through to whatever it is that they consider important.
~ Who are good listeners, smartly listening to the rest of the world proclaiming their grand life plans and prophesies while laughing secretly at the audacity of the trash talk.
~ For whom the definition of happy high and good times is not contained within alcohol and substance abuse, but is more along the lines of cotton candy, blowing bubbles of rainbow colours, watching fluffy white clouds fly by across the bright blue sky, star gazing, late night drives on a chilly winter night and other simple things and cheap thrills life has to offer, when everyone is lost like a zombie to the idiot box.

I don't know how to label them either, but I sure do know that these are the ones who have their heads strong on their shoulder and something called a spine.

Missing and Wishing

2009-01-24T17:38:00.010+05:30

If I saw a shooting star, I'd wish for you to come back
Back from wherever it is that you've gone to

Gone since that day I had to painfully see you leave

Leave all the suffering you were in

To probably a better place today

Today when I need you, I try not to think of you

Thinking of you opens the flood gates wide

Wide open is dangerous, 'cause then I'll let anyone in

Let anyone in and hurt myself

And if I hurt myself that way,

I would want you to be here with me

Here with me so that I can bear

Bear with all that's being hurled at me.

I haven't heard your voice in so long,

So long since I've seen your pretty face

The face that consoled my deepest woes

Woes when they arise now, I long for your touch

Your touch that would soothe me,

If only you were here today...

Today when I'm all alone and I think, what if...

If I saw a shooting star, I'd wish for you to come back,

Back from wherever it is that you've gone to...

Finding The Invisible Man

2008-12-28T03:01:00.017+05:30

We're all scared. All the time. Fear has been drilled into our skulls, from the time we were old enough to understand the concept of an invisible man in the sky. If we are good, we're all going to this beautiful place called heaven where we will get everything we want, where we get to live with God and his angels! Oh and if we're bad people, (the definition of bad at this point of our lives being subjective) we WILL be thrown into the depths of hell, into it's burning fire, where Satan and his other lil devilish pals will torture you for the rest of your life...oops sorry, afterlife! No one came down from the heavens and told us it's all beautiful up there... No one came up from the depths of hell and told us they were being tortured. But still... we believe and we're scared. Almost everything we do is to either get to heaven or to keep as far away from hell as possible.

Every once a week you go to the temple/church/mosque/synagogue/gurudwara/wherever it may be. Throw away a lot of money into the charity box. Yeah sure, you're spending money on God, it's all going straight to him, up all the way to heaven. Don't bother about the marble aisles in the church, the shiny ornaments on the deity in the temple or all those other expensive things. Those are all just the blessing of the good lord, you see the place of worship is powerful, all your prayers will be heard and these are just 'offerings' of happy devotees. They're all going to heaven.

Everything we do is governed by our fear of the invisible man up in the sky, not because we actually want to from our heart.

*Hypocrite Check 1*: Every Thursday is Infant Jesus Church day. (If you go 9 Thursdays in a row, 3 wishes will be granted!) I buy three candles, make three wishes, say thanks for the favours received and selfishly pray for myself and for those who are in need (read best friends in trouble,who need some help with their love life/professional life/social life/college work), drop a coin or two into the charity box. After all this, i have no change for the umpteen people who sit outside the church, asking for alms, the ones really in need. What a Hypocrite.

It's disgusting to go the temple these days! The girls all come in their prettiest Indian wear, hiding their real self under those thick layers of make-up, competing with each other, for what, I don't know. Probably wishing and hoping that Ekta Kapoor (pardon me if i haven't added the lucky extra alphabets according to her trusted numerologist) 'discovers' them and they get their break on the mini screen.

*Hypocrite Check 2*: The last time I set foot in the temple was only because I heard my neighbour saying that her son was down from the U.S for his winter break and she was dragging him to the temple. The son happens to be extremely cute (especially when he's in Indian ethnic wear!) and so I obviously had to dress in my best Indian ethnics too! Besides, you get yummy sweets in the temple, all roasted in ghee. The temple's fun! What a Hypocrite.

What are our standards of right and wrong set on? Fear of adhering to religious norms? Fear of societal standards that never once hesitate to point a finger at those who dare to differ? Or just plain 'fear'?

If you're a regular visitor to the temple/church/mosque/synagogue/gurudwara/wherever it may be, because religion tells you that in doing so, you're living on the fast lane to happiness or finding God, you've been strongly misguided. Happiness does not hang around within the four walls of your so called places of worship. Neither do solitude or moksha or whatever you wish to call it. You're never going to find God in there just because you drop in for a visit every once a week or so.

*Hypocrite Check 3*: After all that's said and done, I still find it oddly comforting to believe that a good old invisible man is watching out for me all the time. I need something or someone, more than mere human, almost supernatural to keep me going when the going gets tough and to thank for wishes fulfilled.

Oh please, don't point your fingers at me. We all have our quirks. You live in fear and I believe. I believe that if you cannot see happiness in the smallest of things like your everyday life, you're not going to find the invisible man even if he appears right in front of you. I believe that if you can ignore the wails of the helpless millions around you, then you can't claim to hear 'The Voice of God'. I believe, that if you cannot feel the sufferings of the ones in dire need, then there's no way your claims of 'Feeling the Presence of God' are justified. When you cannot even begin to understand your better half and spend hours at an end arguing with each other, then how can you understand 'The Ways of God'? When you cannot find it in your heart to love humanity more than yourself and spirituality more than religion, how are you going to swallow a concept as huge as God? What difference does it make now, if you go to heaven or hell? Do you even know if these places exist?

Till we figure these details out, we're simply on a pointless search for the invisible man who lives in the sky, because religion says so, because fear forces us to do so.

Gaining Perspective.

2008-12-23T02:45:00.015+05:30

I walked out of the door and I saw a poor dog curling up, trying to find a spot in the sand that can keep him warm and shield him from the cold air piercing through his fur and skin. I thought of my warm and cosy bed and thanked my stars I have some place warm to keep me protected through the harsh winter.

I argued with the auto rickshaw driver about how unreasonable his fare was. Yet I prayed to someone called God, they say He exists, I prayed that may this man be able to feed his family today and forever with the money he makes out of transporting disgruntled passangers from one part of the city to another. After all, how unreasonable could his demands be? I dare you to take up his profession and still live the kind of life you're living now.

I knocked that 'excess' food out of the plate and into the bin. I hoped against hope that the beggar girl I saw yesterday on the road wasn't hungry today, like she was yesterday.
The little children on the roads, ran upto me and cornered me, begging for a coin or two, I blatently refused. Their misery did not affect me. How was I to feed the thousand odd children running amock on the streets?! Then I tried, tried my best to not think of the ten thousand i spent all in one go, at my most recent shopping spree.

I cursed the electricity board for that one hour power cut. It ruined my major plans for the evening. I had to trick myself to believe that stories of villages with no electricitry are nothing but stories.

As the day draws to an end, I think of how pathetic my life has been recently. There's so much work to do, so many assignments to give in, there are university applications that need to go in before the last date, there are the exams that are coming up and to top it all off, my social life isn't exactly where I would like it to be...oh did I mention that beautiful dress and the gorgeous pair of pumps i just have to buy? Unfortunately my dad doesn't understand the need for more pocket money. How much worse can it possibly get?

Who are you kidding, says a voice at the back of my head...and I cringe in shame for cribbing inspite of having almost everything i've ever wanted.

Blissfully Aware

2008-12-22T04:32:00.014+05:30

You think you're oh so sensible,
You think I don't really know.
You think I'm blissfully unaware,
You think you're my saviour?

So what if I see all the shades of the rainbow?
So what if it's always musical?
So what if I think the world's a beautiful place right now?
These Castles I build, are not in Thin Air.
They stand on Solid Ground, upon the strongest foundations.

It's not that I don't know
That the colours that run before my eyes,
weave a million dreams, from threads that don't exist.
That the visions I see before my eyes,
try to trick me to believe.

It's not like I don't know,
that the signs I see aren't real.
Yet I dream, dream on and on.
The doubts I have, work like reality checks,
ceasing never to pinch me awake.

These Castles I build are not in Thin Air.
They stand on Solid Ground, upon the strongest foundations.
So I dream, dream on and on.
Still see the rainbow,still hear the music.
The world is still a happy place and i refuse to take it any other way.